10 Best Mens Golf Shirts

Best Mens Golf Shirts in 2023

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The Dysfunctional Dinner Party

Humor: Margaret is a retired country club groupie, who once thought Bernard Madoff was the sexiest thing since Aristotle Onasis; and Dwight used to stuff shirts for a living - a match spawned from a summer remake of "Les Miserables."

Margaret is a retired country club groupie, who once thought Bernard Madoff was the sexiest thing since Aristotle Onasis; and Dwight used to stuff shirts for a living. They met at a charity play - a match spawned from a remake of "Les Miserables." I found all this out a few months ago, after they drank too much champagne at Sally and Mel's wedding and dumped on me. It was better than a Joe Biden Gaffe.

Now, they tend to favor non-alcoholic cantaloupe horchatas.

Our other guests include Sally's husband Mel; our 12 and 14-year-old grandsons, Glenn and Earl, whom we call Frick and Frack because they are always into mischief; my husband's best friend, Vince Lubelli, who is a divorced, unemployed, sanitation worker and has an IQ low enough to make Ripley's; and my sister, Berni, who is single and still dates college guys.

Our oldest daughter is away. We are babysitting our grandsons and have no choice in the matter; we're stuck with them for dinner. I quickly determined where to hide the mashed potatoes, so they can't have a food fight and play "zit" in front of the Sterns. My husband and I were uneasy about inviting them, but Sally called earlier and insisted:

"Mom, can you and Dad invite Mel's parents over for dinner on Dad's birthday?"

"Are you nuts?" I asked. "The Frack brothers, Vince 'The Zoner,' and your Aunt Berni 'The Cougar,' will be here."

"It's OK," she said. "I'll keep the boys occupied with Nintendo 'Super Smash Brothers.' Margaret and Dwight are in town and it would be impolite to leave them alone at our house, while we come over and party. Just make sure Aunt Berni doesn't bring her latest Nick Jonas look-alike."

"I don't know," I said. "Remember the last time we all had dinner together and Frick kept pelting Margaret with Spanish olives? The boys swing from trees at the mall; your sister never trained them for anything civilized."

"Mom, I promise to keep them occupied."

"OK," I said. "Extend the invitation."

"Thanks, you're a gem."

"You're welcome," I said. "The disclaimer will be hanging off the front door."

We decided to serve dinner buffet-style, even though we are a small group, so that we could keep the Sterns at a safe distance from Frick and Frack, who never mastered social skills or how to put the toilet seat down.

"Hey, Hon," I said, "Five dollars says one of the Sterns will end up sitting on cold porcelain in the bathroom before the night is over."

"You win," my husband laughed.

Well, he should have just handed me the five dollars, as half-way through dinner we could hear Margaret's loud screams in the bathroom drowning out the entertainment system, which was blasting Frack's favorite Steelheart recording, "love Ain't Easy."

Margaret prefers Luciano Pavarotti's "A Te, O Cara" from I Puritani.

I gave her a towel, two aspirin, and a doggie bag. Dwight assured us that they would call me in the morning.